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I want to go back to bed.

When more than 60 people are waiting at my morning train stop, I know it's going to be a crowded, crappy ride. When it's raining, it's much worse, beause it's also a drippy, steamy ride. In addition to those two factors, this morning's ride was made even more hellish by the presence of an angry, delusional homeless person who was taking up three seats so she could put her wet feet up. She was hopping-mad at the world and had a voice so loud I had to cover the ear nearest to her because the decibel level of her anti-everything diatribe was making my head hurt. Not to mention the spitting. Ew.

I was already in a bad mood because I stepped on a scale this morning. Is it possible that I gained, like, 8 pounds in the last week? For a long time I have felt like I was in control of my eating. Right now I feel totally out of control. The last few times I've gone back to Weight Watchers, I have quit going after a few meetings. I've been waiting for the motivation to return but, um, it's not happening. I'm not quite sure what to do. On a higher level, it's easy for me to think, that's it, no more alcohol, no more crap, no more Curry in a Hurry for lunch, no more big dinners. But when I'm faced with the food, or the candy bowl at work, my resolve disappears. I've been here many times before, but I have never felt so helpless.

November 29, 2005 10:16 AM